It's just like the Real World with babies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
