I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
