I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
