you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
