She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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