it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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