every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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