Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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