Swine flu is the new snow day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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