i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
