her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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