you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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