i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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