I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
