we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
