You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mom said you looked used
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
