someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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