I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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