Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
