One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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