sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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