Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
