got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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