if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
