it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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