I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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