i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
