quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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