Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
