yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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