umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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