Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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