Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What a dumb baby whore.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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