singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
