that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
