is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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