You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
