I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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