i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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