Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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