What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize