thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
