My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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