90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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