my phone needs a breathalizer
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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