FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
