You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
