isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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