I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
