drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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