which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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