So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
