you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am spending my child support on dildos
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
