do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
