Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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