it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
