my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
