I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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