I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
