we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
