My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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