I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
