It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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