so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
