The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize