when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
