you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
