Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
