My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
