his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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