i barfeds in our rink
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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