he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
