i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
