if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize