Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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