Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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