Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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