I can text with my tongue
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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