Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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