OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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