Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
