you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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