Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
