Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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