Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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