is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
