the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize