My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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