I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
