he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
