he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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