I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize