So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
