Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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