so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pants are for mortals
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
