I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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