I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
