Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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