I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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