What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
