I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize