I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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