i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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