shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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