watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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