My first STD was from a foam party
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize