He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
